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On the Quality of Life
Drugs really helped give me perspective in life.
I'm not an avid user of any hard drugs, but I have a lot of experience with more household, easily overlooked ones. For about 7 years, my drug of choice was caffeine. Shit, man, I remember the first cup I brewed for myself, supervised by my mother. It tasted like shit, really. It took a bit of tweaking before I had a drink I could enjoy. I took my coffee with about a quarter cream, and lots and lots of sugar. Looking back, I don't think I could even drink it now without writhing my face up in disgust.
Anyways, coffee was a nice substance to have around when rest and inactivity were my greatest fears. I spent hours and hours on end every day on forums, spouting my (communist) ideals, and having fervent debates. I was modding games, tweaking; trying to understand. My computer was and to this day still is my most valued possession. Coffee wasn't even a choice, it was the only option.
Needless to say, coffee made me strong, it made me focused. I didn't even think much of the steep climb to the community gym about three times a week. It was never a challenge; it was never a problem. I would be appreciating the music blasting in my ears, thinking what to tell all the people online about my daydreams. Never did it occur to me what I was doing was difficult.
A few months back, I was living a rather hectic lifestyle. School was not stimulating enough, so I looked for a job. The best paying one I could do at the time was in the middle of the night, so I went with the graveyard shift, 2 to 6; I would just drink a bit of coffee before school in the morning and sleep in the evening. About a month in, I had to face the reality that it wasn't working. I wasn't feeling too good.
Fuck this, I thought as I quit that job. I'm not drinking another cup of coffee again.
And so I haven't had any in three months. In these three months, I've made it a point to appreciate what it is coffee does to me, and every time I think damn, I could really do with a cup of coffee now, I've questioned my decision thoroughly. Are we really better off avoiding these drugs? Is there a point to holding myself back? Is the quality of my life better without caffeine?
Frankly, I believe in such a thing as a meaning of life. I believe our time here is limited, as a species and as a universe. Living life to the fullest, having as many children as can be sustained and providing them with a life that has quality is what is morally right; it's what ought to be done.
Human life is precious. Knowing that it is limited, and perhaps only possible in a short period of the lifespan of the universe, we must make sure there are as many human lives as possible. Future generations will spawn more life, and the quantity and quality of future lives depends, obviously, on the quantity and quality of our lives.
So I wonder, as the fatigue of a hard day at the gym hits me, why am I holding back? I could do more. I could do better. It's really difficult to know what amount of substances to ingest to attain the optimal quality of life. In light of the nature of our lives and this universe, the finite nature, it would only be morally right to achieve that optimum. I think there might just be a balance that doesn't mean pure abstinence.
The way I see it, there are three options:
Will the quality of my life be better?
I'm not an avid user of any hard drugs, but I have a lot of experience with more household, easily overlooked ones. For about 7 years, my drug of choice was caffeine. Shit, man, I remember the first cup I brewed for myself, supervised by my mother. It tasted like shit, really. It took a bit of tweaking before I had a drink I could enjoy. I took my coffee with about a quarter cream, and lots and lots of sugar. Looking back, I don't think I could even drink it now without writhing my face up in disgust.
Anyways, coffee was a nice substance to have around when rest and inactivity were my greatest fears. I spent hours and hours on end every day on forums, spouting my (communist) ideals, and having fervent debates. I was modding games, tweaking; trying to understand. My computer was and to this day still is my most valued possession. Coffee wasn't even a choice, it was the only option.
Needless to say, coffee made me strong, it made me focused. I didn't even think much of the steep climb to the community gym about three times a week. It was never a challenge; it was never a problem. I would be appreciating the music blasting in my ears, thinking what to tell all the people online about my daydreams. Never did it occur to me what I was doing was difficult.
A few months back, I was living a rather hectic lifestyle. School was not stimulating enough, so I looked for a job. The best paying one I could do at the time was in the middle of the night, so I went with the graveyard shift, 2 to 6; I would just drink a bit of coffee before school in the morning and sleep in the evening. About a month in, I had to face the reality that it wasn't working. I wasn't feeling too good.
Fuck this, I thought as I quit that job. I'm not drinking another cup of coffee again.
And so I haven't had any in three months. In these three months, I've made it a point to appreciate what it is coffee does to me, and every time I think damn, I could really do with a cup of coffee now, I've questioned my decision thoroughly. Are we really better off avoiding these drugs? Is there a point to holding myself back? Is the quality of my life better without caffeine?
Frankly, I believe in such a thing as a meaning of life. I believe our time here is limited, as a species and as a universe. Living life to the fullest, having as many children as can be sustained and providing them with a life that has quality is what is morally right; it's what ought to be done.
Human life is precious. Knowing that it is limited, and perhaps only possible in a short period of the lifespan of the universe, we must make sure there are as many human lives as possible. Future generations will spawn more life, and the quantity and quality of future lives depends, obviously, on the quantity and quality of our lives.
So I wonder, as the fatigue of a hard day at the gym hits me, why am I holding back? I could do more. I could do better. It's really difficult to know what amount of substances to ingest to attain the optimal quality of life. In light of the nature of our lives and this universe, the finite nature, it would only be morally right to achieve that optimum. I think there might just be a balance that doesn't mean pure abstinence.
The way I see it, there are three options:
- Not being introduced to the drug
- Using it in blissful ignorance
- Using it in moderation
Will the quality of my life be better?
There is none.
I feel the same when it comes to everything I do. The problem is that me, by myself, can not push myself over that ledge, which when it's crossed, gives one a feeling of absolute equilibrium. That's were a fellow human needs to step up to the plate.
As for the coffee-part. I can relate, but my drug was sugar man, lots and lots of sugar. Kept me going, lusting for more and I was destroying myself even though I was evolving and learning new things etc.
Let's just say that my High School time was some pretty interesting years.
It made the quality of my life, much better; today. Back then, no sleep, hurting teeth and such, was for this day, right now.
Re: There is none.
Either way, it's worth a shot.